I think I have finally found a balance in my life. After Little Man was born my life in a vacuum began. It is difficult to get a babysitter, sure, but there is more to it. It is hard to want one or to not feel bad about getting one. Being a working mom it is hard to give up time with Little Man when I see him a whopping two hours a day on weekdays. To give up those two hours for something, anything, is really hard. During the weekends it is a little easier to part with him but scheduling anything during the week is horrible whether it be girls’ night out, exercise, major home projects, movie, shopping, etc. It was especially hard right after I went back to work and he began to forget about me by the time Friday rolled around. I just wasn’t in his life much. He was never rude or cried when I picked him up, he just didn’t seem to care or recognize me more than anyone else. And to compare his response to me with his response to Mr. Neruda, giant grins, squeals, etc, it was heartbreaking (though wonderful that he loves his father).
However, he has started a new schedule and I feel like we have now gotten to know one another well enough for him to understand who I am. He likes me as much as his dad now, sometimes more. But what has made a huge impact on my life is his sleeping schedule. He routinely goes down at 7:30-8:30 and sleeps through the night until 6-7:30. It is wonderful! When I come home I have concentrated Hux time until his bedtime. This includes nursing twice, bath time, play time, singing, dancing, reading books, piano and guitar playing, etc. Then I rock him to sleep (hopefully) once and that is the end of that. We bond, we play, we enjoy one another. And then mommy gets woman time. I am still on call, as I will be for the rest of my life, if he is sick or something is amiss. But mostly I am guaranteed uninterrupted non-baby time. Sure sometimes that time includes laundry and dishes and other crap but it also includes hot baths, painting, reading, husband time, exercise, the list is extensive. And I love it.
I love that I can balance the different aspects of my life now. If I want to meet someone for dinner or run an errand I can guilt-free do at 730 or 8. I can go to the Y and swim with no problem once he is down. I can indulge in hobbies other than pumping and baby care (my two main hobbies currently). I can live.
This has rejuvenated my life in so many ways. And I sigh a calming yoga sigh of relief (I can do that now because I can finally take the class and have learned how!).
1 day ago