It is finally here, the time for weaning. This is something that really scares me. For my child's entire existence we have had a relationship where he depends upon me physically. At first it was in utero and then he came out and it became breastfeeding. However, now will be the first time in our lives together where he will not need anything physical from me. I can't give him anything he can't get from anyone else.

It's so weird that our relationship is leaving the current phase. It is all I have ever known and I love it and have become comfortable with it. We will never have this again. I am worried about how he will respond to me now that this is changing. I worry that he will become distant from me or less respondent because we will no longer have our intimate snuggle sessions.

It is also distressing to me that I am about to leave the country for a month. Not only are we about to severe this physical bond between us, but I am about to severe all physical bonds between us for 31 days.

I do not want to be a stranger to my child. I am eager to have my independence back, to have my entire body be my own again. I can't wait to eat peanut products and drink when I please and have my whole body feel sexy in underwire bras. But I also feel like I am giving up a lot. Having the final nursing session right when he wakes up in the morning or right before he goes to bed will be heartbreaking. I can't imagine how I will deal with it, but I will because that seems to be what mothers do, until we die.

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