Has anyone else heard of the Literary Review's Bad Sex in Fiction award? It has been going on since 1993, awarding an author a year, with many finalists, this brilliant award. They actually call the writers and ask them to come by and accept their award, which is a trophy featuring a naked woman draped over an open book.
The award is for the writer who writes the worst description of a sex scene. The best part is that the sex scenes of the finalists are compiled in a list for our convenience. And let me tell you, there are some extremely bad ones out there.
This year's winner is Jonathan Littell with his book The Kindly One. An excerpt from his sex scene that made me particularly laugh was:
"Her vulva was opposite my face. The small lips protruded slightly from the pale, domed flesh. This sex was watching at me, spying on me, like a Gorgon's head, like a motionless Cyclops whose single eye never blinks. . . I could use my prick like a stake hardened in the fire, and blind this Polyphemus who made me Nobody."
Another completely hilarious line was:
"I came suddenly, a jolt that emptied my head like a spoon scraping the inside of a soft-boiled egg."
Also, another author uses the phrases, "Vaginaland," "Mr. Condom," and "suddenly squirts a gallon of white molten lava from his Jap's eye."
Seriously, does reading get any better than that?
The complete article can be found at Literary Review, along with a link to the short listed passages. Man do I love the Brits and literary folk.