A few weekends ago Mr. Neruda and I went to a wedding for one of his high school friends. That friend has a younger brother who performed the role of best man. He also thought it was a good idea to bring a large bottle of Jack.
This is a friend I don't much like and it was a wedding I didn't much want to attend. It actually fell on my fifth anniversary, which SUCKED!
When I arrived later than the wedding party (one Mr. Neruda was a member of) he informed me of the bottle of Jack. I felt that partaking of the Jack would make the whole evening so much better, something Mr. Neruda foresaw. He introduced me to the best man and had him take me to the car with the Jack in it.
Since the boy thought to bring a bottle of Jack I thought he was an experienced drinker. When we arrived at the car he asked for my cup to mix the drink in. I looked at him very confusedly and thought he was being a little sexist. I assured him that I had no cup and needed none. He then said that he would get me a can of coke to chase the drink down with. I again said no, that was weird, let's just hit it and go. He then gave me an odd look and said, "REALLY??!"
It was at that point that I thought, hmm. But didn't really care because I really wanted some booze to make the night less horrible. He gave me the bottle first and I took a generous swig. He then took a sip and began to cough, a lot. At that point I thought that he was probably a bit of a lite-weight drinker, but oh well. I had no idea he had been drinking before and needed to make a speech later that evening.
I took a few more swigs and he tried to match me drink for drink. We then returned to the hall. I had a laugh with Mr. Neruda and got in the food line. Very shortly afterwards he began to laugh hysterically and curse like a bloody sailor in a pirate attack. He then took Mr. Neruda aside and said that I was an intimidating person and forced him to drink a lot because a girl shouldn't be able to drink like that.
He was almost falling down drunk. I wasn't really feeling anything. We then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening trying to sober him up by drinking water and eating and to get him to write his speech down and let someone proof it. Neither happened.
The speech wasn't all that bad. It didn't exactly focus on the groom and it rambled a lot, but it was light years away from the speech in The Wedding Singer so we were pleased.
And I frankly have to say that I loved that night. I loved being intimidating. I loved drinking a guy under the proverbial table. And I loved dancing with my honey of five years.
Thank you Jack!
5 days ago