I have had many people tell me that you aren't really an adult until you have a child (pretty much every new parent actually). I have been led to think there is a good deal of truth to this, especially because I have yet to experience parenthood so can not adequately compare the before and after.
However, today I had an epiphany. I think a person can reach a true adulthood by being in a situation that requires incredibly important decisions, that causes stress, and, most importantly, an experience that you know of no one else who has experienced that. Being in a stressful, heartbreaking, important situation without anyone to turn to for advice creates adults.
Due to a myriad of reasons this is the year I have felt the most like an adult. There have been spots in the past where I think I have had glimpses of me as an adult. But there has always been a conversion back to limbo. I find this part of my life to be one of the most difficult. I never know where I stand. I feel that sometimes I fight becoming an adult because once that bridge is crossed it can never be uncrossed. However, remaining childlike is becoming less of an option.
I have been attending a hotline training through the YWCA this week. Last night two amazing women spoke. They were very different ages but they both had such womanliness that I have never seen in real life. It was the first time I saw that and really yearned for it. The way they spoke, the things they said, the way they held their heads, their dress, their hair and make-up, their easy transition from laughter to serious topics was all overwhelming. I immediately recognized that I am no where near that and that I would like to be.
Between my current situations and that vision of a WOMANHOOD I yearn to aspire to, I think I am ready to begin a kind of transformation.
I hope to be able to work with them again. Whether or not that is the case I want to take what I remember of them and dissect it and try to emulate them as much as I can.
Hello WOMAN, I shall become you now.