I am pretty sure that I had my first pregnant crying episode last night. It was weird because I am not a crier. I laugh when I get hurt (it's a weird reflex I guess) and I mostly end up angry when I'm sad so tears don't come much.

However, last night was different.

For the past while Mr. Neruda and I have been watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer every night before bed. It is so fun and wonderful, until it's not. We are currently in season 5 and the episode we watched last night *spoiler alert* was when Buffy's mom died.

I have seen all of these before, more than once, so this was not a surprise. Sure it is sudden in the show and obviously sad, but I knew exactly what was coming. And I was fine when Buffy found her and went through shock, pain and tears. I lost about one tear down my check. I was also fine when Buffy told her sister Dawn at school that it happened. Even when Dawn denied it, cried hysterically and collapsed on the floor only about one or two tears slipped out. I did need to blow my nose because snot was a bit looser (however, I am getting over a cold so it could have been for any reason).

I was not fine, however, when Anya reacted. She is an ex-demon who is thousands of years old and one of my favorite Whedon characters. She normally makes inappropriate comments and questions all the time and this time was no different. When she asked if they would cut open the body another character lost it and started yelling at her. Anya then began to cry and say how she didn't understand. Not death, not Joyce being gone, not anything and no one would tell her what was happening. Very poignant.

It was at that point that I began sobbing. Shoulders shaking, audible, tears streaming, sobs.

Mr. Neruda turned to me startled and asked if I was okay and tried to comfort me. I pushed him away and continued sobbing and watching. Luckily, another character did something funny soon after and it broke the spell I was under allowing me to laugh instead of cry. It was a relief.

I actually woke up this morning with sore, raw eyes feeling baffled. I don't think I like pregnancy hormones.


  1. I have bad news. You are ruined forever. The hormones do level out, but the tears will come easier forever after.

  2. Dang it! I have always hated that about mothers and now I am about to become what I hate?!?!? Uuggghhh.