Mental Post-partum Me

Wow did I have the oddest reaction to a book recently. I am reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks and was quite surprised by the turn it took. I obviously knew it was the background of the woman whose cells live on and on so science can have its way with them. I didn’t know that it would follow the horrible turn her children’s lives took. Frankly, there is A LOT of abuse going on.

Now here is where the weirdness took place. I have read a lot of books that dealt with abuse and violence and all kinds of dodgy stuff. Hell, serial killer books use to be my favorite. That was, apparently, before I had a baby. See, I read and watched things like that while pregnant and it had no effect on me. But when I was reading a scene in this book *spoiler alert* where her daughter is constantly molested and raped by her uncle and one of her sons is abused a la A Child Called It I about went ape shit. I was listening to the audio in my car and about ripped the steering wheel off my dash. I am pretty sure my blood pressure went through the roof and I was shaking. I just kept thinking, just try that on my son I dare you, just try it! I mean, I was so upset for the characters in the story, especially since it is all true, but I also couldn’t stop relating it to my own son.

Now this worries me because I did enjoy on a certain level reading and watching disturbing things like that, especially true stories, before my child arrived. I am now concerned that I will never be able to read or watch them again. I don’t enjoy crying so I don’t want to read and watch them to cry and be an incredibly stereotypical mother, but I also don’t want to turn into a person who ignores all bad in the world because it hurts so much. I truly hope that this is still a hormonal problem with me and that once all that is out of my system, especially after I’m done breast feeding, I will be normal again. However, I fear mental damage was done along with the physical damage and that I will never be Me again, only the shell of Me as Post-partum Me.


1 comment:

  1. You just need to stay away from stuff about kids, especially if they are the same age and sex as your child. Now, Room is an exception. But movies, tv shows, books where a child is abused and/or killed, avoid them like the plague.