I think I have finally found a balance in my life. After Little Man was born my life in a vacuum began. It is difficult to get a babysitter, sure, but there is more to it. It is hard to want one or to not feel bad about getting one. Being a working mom it is hard to give up time with Little Man when I see him a whopping two hours a day on weekdays. To give up those two hours for something, anything, is really hard. During the weekends it is a little easier to part with him but scheduling anything during the week is horrible whether it be girls’ night out, exercise, major home projects, movie, shopping, etc. It was especially hard right after I went back to work and he began to forget about me by the time Friday rolled around. I just wasn’t in his life much. He was never rude or cried when I picked him up, he just didn’t seem to care or recognize me more than anyone else. And to compare his response to me with his response to Mr. Neruda, giant grins, squeals, etc, it was heartbreaking (though wonderful that he loves his father).
However, he has started a new schedule and I feel like we have now gotten to know one another well enough for him to understand who I am. He likes me as much as his dad now, sometimes more. But what has made a huge impact on my life is his sleeping schedule. He routinely goes down at 7:30-8:30 and sleeps through the night until 6-7:30. It is wonderful! When I come home I have concentrated Hux time until his bedtime. This includes nursing twice, bath time, play time, singing, dancing, reading books, piano and guitar playing, etc. Then I rock him to sleep (hopefully) once and that is the end of that. We bond, we play, we enjoy one another. And then mommy gets woman time. I am still on call, as I will be for the rest of my life, if he is sick or something is amiss. But mostly I am guaranteed uninterrupted non-baby time. Sure sometimes that time includes laundry and dishes and other crap but it also includes hot baths, painting, reading, husband time, exercise, the list is extensive. And I love it.
I love that I can balance the different aspects of my life now. If I want to meet someone for dinner or run an errand I can guilt-free do at 730 or 8. I can go to the Y and swim with no problem once he is down. I can indulge in hobbies other than pumping and baby care (my two main hobbies currently). I can live.
This has rejuvenated my life in so many ways. And I sigh a calming yoga sigh of relief (I can do that now because I can finally take the class and have learned how!).
I am woman
My birthday is looming, moving me closer and closer to thirty. This really isn't something that bothers me. I don't really fear age, I only fear not owning my age well. I hope to age gracefully gaining wisdom, experiences, and a lack of wrinkles. I think I feel settled adding a year to my life because I feel 28, in a good way. I have a baby, a husband, a career, a second-glorious home, etc. These are things I think I should have at this age and am proud of them. I sometimes don't feel my age and am shocked that I have all these things, however, when I say the number 28 out loud it makes perfect since that this things have accumalated.
And with this age has come a certain amount of wisdom. When I was a kid I hated the fact that I was a girl. The only way I felt I could be happy and successful was to act as boyish as it was possible and look as not girlish as I could. I felt that since my insides were so fun and active, my outsides couldn't be girly or it would ruin everything.
Then, as I got older I felt that I was selling out to adulthood if I dressed girly-ish and that people wouldn't know the real me inside because the outside me would look so different. However, this year I have had a realization. I have slowly started dressing nicely, wearing real make-up, matching my purse to my outfits, etc. And it has made me feel pretty and poised. Poise and presence are things I aspire to in adulthood.
I have realized that I want to look nice. I want to wear pretty, frilly dresses, business suits, make-up, heels, product in my hair, etc. I want to so I will be respected in my career, because I feel better about myself and more mature and because I weirdly want to be feminine for my son so he will be proud of me. But the real eureka moment came when I realized that this new desire in me in no way takes away from my inner self.
Just because I wear a frilly dress one day does not mean that I quit being a first degree black belt in tae kwon do. Walking around in high heels doesn't mean that I never packed parachutes or went sky diving. In fact, I think I am more kick-ass because I can do both. I am still an awesome world traveler since I know that I should choose tennis shoes while catching a train in France, even though I now choose heels for work or a night out.
With my maturity has come an understanding that to be an awesome, happy woman is to except all of my womanhood. That means that I can strive to be pretty, read literature and make "that's what she said jokes" all at the same time. I can cry at movies now without any regret because I understand that crying while female does not mean I am weak but that I now have so much more to love and lose in my life which allows me to empathize with storylines in a way I never could before.
At the age of almost-28 I can now embrace all the caveates of my womanhood and I wouldn't trade one wrinkle or stretchmark for that knowledge.
And with this age has come a certain amount of wisdom. When I was a kid I hated the fact that I was a girl. The only way I felt I could be happy and successful was to act as boyish as it was possible and look as not girlish as I could. I felt that since my insides were so fun and active, my outsides couldn't be girly or it would ruin everything.
Then, as I got older I felt that I was selling out to adulthood if I dressed girly-ish and that people wouldn't know the real me inside because the outside me would look so different. However, this year I have had a realization. I have slowly started dressing nicely, wearing real make-up, matching my purse to my outfits, etc. And it has made me feel pretty and poised. Poise and presence are things I aspire to in adulthood.
I have realized that I want to look nice. I want to wear pretty, frilly dresses, business suits, make-up, heels, product in my hair, etc. I want to so I will be respected in my career, because I feel better about myself and more mature and because I weirdly want to be feminine for my son so he will be proud of me. But the real eureka moment came when I realized that this new desire in me in no way takes away from my inner self.
Just because I wear a frilly dress one day does not mean that I quit being a first degree black belt in tae kwon do. Walking around in high heels doesn't mean that I never packed parachutes or went sky diving. In fact, I think I am more kick-ass because I can do both. I am still an awesome world traveler since I know that I should choose tennis shoes while catching a train in France, even though I now choose heels for work or a night out.
With my maturity has come an understanding that to be an awesome, happy woman is to except all of my womanhood. That means that I can strive to be pretty, read literature and make "that's what she said jokes" all at the same time. I can cry at movies now without any regret because I understand that crying while female does not mean I am weak but that I now have so much more to love and lose in my life which allows me to empathize with storylines in a way I never could before.
At the age of almost-28 I can now embrace all the caveates of my womanhood and I wouldn't trade one wrinkle or stretchmark for that knowledge.
Decadent evening for one
Mr. Neruda and I decided to sell our house and buy a new one while having an infant. The new house came with quite a few quirks, so many so that we are still working on the place over a month after moving in. I will say that Little Man sure doesn't speed things up much.
One of the reasons we chose this house is because of the magnificent bathtub in the master bathroom. I have a thing for baths. I like them very much. However, the faucet needed fixing on the tub and it has been off limits to me . . . until tonight.
Tonight was the night of decadence. And I did it up right. I did every single thing I could think of to pamper myself. I nursed my baby and put him down for the night. That bought me three hours, which I could push to four before needing to pump, so I actually had a small glass of wine. If you are in the camp of thinking nursing moms shouldn't drink at all, so am I. However, I think we should all be happy that I didn't partake of my drink of choice, scotch, and that I stuck to wine. I had the largest brownie I could cut from the pan without actually taking the whole pan with me. I ran the water hot, added lavendar sea salt, and lit a candle.
I read for an entire 45 minutes straight. That is something that has been unheard-of lately. I rubbed my kioske expensive dead sea salt stuff all over me (I love kioske stuff. You can usually fine great deals and they have cool stuff like neat sheets, and hot irons, and ointments.). I then lathered myself with my fancy lotion and chilled out to some Fleet Foxes.
It was a dream. I haven't felt so care free and fancy in a long time. Eventhough I can never stop being a mom and am always on-call, I took a much needed hiatus from my duties and lived a selfish, decadent moment. Amen.
One of the reasons we chose this house is because of the magnificent bathtub in the master bathroom. I have a thing for baths. I like them very much. However, the faucet needed fixing on the tub and it has been off limits to me . . . until tonight.
Tonight was the night of decadence. And I did it up right. I did every single thing I could think of to pamper myself. I nursed my baby and put him down for the night. That bought me three hours, which I could push to four before needing to pump, so I actually had a small glass of wine. If you are in the camp of thinking nursing moms shouldn't drink at all, so am I. However, I think we should all be happy that I didn't partake of my drink of choice, scotch, and that I stuck to wine. I had the largest brownie I could cut from the pan without actually taking the whole pan with me. I ran the water hot, added lavendar sea salt, and lit a candle.
I read for an entire 45 minutes straight. That is something that has been unheard-of lately. I rubbed my kioske expensive dead sea salt stuff all over me (I love kioske stuff. You can usually fine great deals and they have cool stuff like neat sheets, and hot irons, and ointments.). I then lathered myself with my fancy lotion and chilled out to some Fleet Foxes.
It was a dream. I haven't felt so care free and fancy in a long time. Eventhough I can never stop being a mom and am always on-call, I took a much needed hiatus from my duties and lived a selfish, decadent moment. Amen.
Sexy characters
I recently began a discussion with my fellow nerd-friends about which fictional characters they would most like to boink. Hilarity ensued along with a nice list for myself. My list is:
Jamie Fraser - Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Mr. Darcy - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Eric Northman - Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris
Josef Kavalier - The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
Edmond Dantes - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
Faramir and Aragorn - Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
Sirius Black - Harry Potter by JK Rowling
Jon Snow - Game of Thrones by George RR Martin
Death - The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Jamie Fraser - Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
Mr. Darcy - Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Eric Northman - Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris
Josef Kavalier - The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon
Edmond Dantes - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
Faramir and Aragorn - Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
Sirius Black - Harry Potter by JK Rowling
Jon Snow - Game of Thrones by George RR Martin
Death - The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Apocalypse soon . . . a plan
For some reason I constantly feel the need to think about and plan for the (must be) coming apocalypse. I have no idea in what form it will take, nuclear, zombie, religious, global warming, something else even worse. Anyways, it will be bad and it will take a plan.
I recently watched Skyline and came to a conclusion for how to survive. I must find the most attractive brunette female with a moral compass, preferably with a love interest and then do whatever she wants and follow her wherever she goes. Most men, especially black, Hispanic, Asian, and Native American should be avoided at all cost, unless they would like to come along and be killed before me by either saving me or by just being in the right place at the right time. I also need to avoid all bitchy, slutty blonde girls. They will last for a while, but won’t make it until the end.
Pretty much, if anything extreme begins to happen I will immediately default to believing I am in a movie and will begin to behave accordingly to be able to make it to the end and survive. I really see no other logical way to approach such a situation.
I recently watched Skyline and came to a conclusion for how to survive. I must find the most attractive brunette female with a moral compass, preferably with a love interest and then do whatever she wants and follow her wherever she goes. Most men, especially black, Hispanic, Asian, and Native American should be avoided at all cost, unless they would like to come along and be killed before me by either saving me or by just being in the right place at the right time. I also need to avoid all bitchy, slutty blonde girls. They will last for a while, but won’t make it until the end.
Pretty much, if anything extreme begins to happen I will immediately default to believing I am in a movie and will begin to behave accordingly to be able to make it to the end and survive. I really see no other logical way to approach such a situation.
Hipster fun
If you have ever wanted to see the Lord of the Rings characters as hipsters you should check out this site.
Hey, Sunny!
How have I never heard of this before? I love space stuff, and I knew there were Sun storms and what-not, but I had no idea they had this kind of effect. We are truly all going to die soon, suddenly, and painfully.
The Good Earth
My favorite quote from The Good Earth by Pearl S Buck so far:
In reference to a 15 year old girl who actually left her house a few times "Whoever heard of a bitch-dog who was allowed on the streets who did not give birth to a litter" (60).
Oh world, I was born at the wrong time. Girls had it so easy back then.
In reference to a 15 year old girl who actually left her house a few times "Whoever heard of a bitch-dog who was allowed on the streets who did not give birth to a litter" (60).
Oh world, I was born at the wrong time. Girls had it so easy back then.
Huxhill
Since everyone keeps telling me that my child looks like Winston Churchill I have decide to start a series of Huxhill photos. The first enstallment is below:
Customer Service
So, here’s the thing about my job, I see a lot of people with issues. All kinds of issues: hygienic, rude, intelligence, taste, child-rearing, mental, maturity, etc. My first impulse was to be turned off from these people and get mad at them for behaving the way that they do. However, I then began to notice a trend. Those certain people would come in with their parents, children, siblings, grandparents or spouses and I would notice certain things. Some of the groups had three generations of rude, un-hygienic people. Some children who were hateful and disrespectful would come in a third time with their parents and the parents would treat me worse. I began to see that this had a lot to do with the way people were raised. In my mind, I can’t understand why being poor means you can’t bathe or brush your teeth. I completely understand that wearing nice clothes or clothes that were spotless is out of reach for them, but a toothbrush and toothpaste can be found at the dollar store and lasts for a long time. On the flip side, I don’t understand why being rich means you can’t have manners and treats others respectfully. You would think they would have enough money to feel happy and well-cared for and then turn that on others. However, some things that I value are simply not taught in other homes. Period. When I see three generations of people behaving in the same, unseemly way I begin to wonder if I can really blame the youngest for sure, but really any of them?
It makes me suddenly realize how important my actions and what I teach are. I was raised to never question certain things. We always have hygiene, we say please and thank you, we wear clean clothes, we walk with our shoulders back and smile at others. That isn’t to say that if I am sick on Saturday I may not wake up and brush my teeth or take a shower, I will probably just lay around moaning and demanding service from my husband. But day to day I do these things without question and I assume the majority of others will also.
My goal is to engrain even more things into my child’s head. We never recycled at my house growing up, that is something I learned in college and it is something that I have to constantly think about and get myself to do instead of being lazy. I hope that he sees it constantly and never thinks about it. The same goes for volunteering to help others, gardening, eating healthy and fresh, etc. Mr. Neruda and I have talked about making a list of things we want to make ourselves do religiously so that it will come more naturally for him.
I still find it difficult to deal with those people who ooze with issues. Sometimes the smell of them, or the abusive way they treat me makes it impossible to give them good service and not think ill of them. But I think I need to consider the issue a little more closely and just be thankful I was raised the way I was and consider some of their negative traits as things they don’t try to do, but have just been taught to do.
It makes me suddenly realize how important my actions and what I teach are. I was raised to never question certain things. We always have hygiene, we say please and thank you, we wear clean clothes, we walk with our shoulders back and smile at others. That isn’t to say that if I am sick on Saturday I may not wake up and brush my teeth or take a shower, I will probably just lay around moaning and demanding service from my husband. But day to day I do these things without question and I assume the majority of others will also.
My goal is to engrain even more things into my child’s head. We never recycled at my house growing up, that is something I learned in college and it is something that I have to constantly think about and get myself to do instead of being lazy. I hope that he sees it constantly and never thinks about it. The same goes for volunteering to help others, gardening, eating healthy and fresh, etc. Mr. Neruda and I have talked about making a list of things we want to make ourselves do religiously so that it will come more naturally for him.
I still find it difficult to deal with those people who ooze with issues. Sometimes the smell of them, or the abusive way they treat me makes it impossible to give them good service and not think ill of them. But I think I need to consider the issue a little more closely and just be thankful I was raised the way I was and consider some of their negative traits as things they don’t try to do, but have just been taught to do.
HP Awesomeness
Here is a link to the new Harry Potter movie, and if I do say so myself, it looks AWESOME!
Also, we just bought a house and it is the one we wanted A LOT! So this is a nice day so far =).
Also, we just bought a house and it is the one we wanted A LOT! So this is a nice day so far =).
Sexy tots
Here's an article from CNN about how sexy our little girls are getting. I must say I agree with most of what he said. Working in schools and the library I see so many girls dressed inappropriately. Some are with their other inappropriate friends and some are with their inappropriate moms, which explains a lot. But some are with their moms who are dressed like a grandma. Those I really don't understand.
Now that I am a mom, I have started thinking about my dress and where I shop. I am a professional business woman, mom and twenty-something. I have a difficult balance to strike between looking like an idiotic fifty-something out of the 1940s and looking like I belong on a college campus prowling for a lay. Sadly, my size makes it easier to buy the trampy things more than the appropriate things.
I want to look stylish, young and hip, but also appropriate for my business place and to be someone's mom. Though I take care of my body and think it is pretty decent to look at, the fact is that I am not on the prowl for a lay. When I am I put something lacy and indecent on at home and pose seductively until my husband notices (or actually I wear a bathrobe or pjs or something and say, "Hey, you want some?"). So, if I am not prowling, and I would like my son to respect women, then mighten I dress not like a tramp?
I wish a few more moms would take this approach. Or at least tell their 8 year-olds that they are an adult and the dress is different so pick the shorts that go to their knees, the sweats with no writing on the ass, and the shirt that loosely covers their whole torso. I hate feeling like a skeezy person because I glance at an elementary student and see club clothes that scream fuck me.
Now that I am a mom, I have started thinking about my dress and where I shop. I am a professional business woman, mom and twenty-something. I have a difficult balance to strike between looking like an idiotic fifty-something out of the 1940s and looking like I belong on a college campus prowling for a lay. Sadly, my size makes it easier to buy the trampy things more than the appropriate things.
I want to look stylish, young and hip, but also appropriate for my business place and to be someone's mom. Though I take care of my body and think it is pretty decent to look at, the fact is that I am not on the prowl for a lay. When I am I put something lacy and indecent on at home and pose seductively until my husband notices (or actually I wear a bathrobe or pjs or something and say, "Hey, you want some?"). So, if I am not prowling, and I would like my son to respect women, then mighten I dress not like a tramp?
I wish a few more moms would take this approach. Or at least tell their 8 year-olds that they are an adult and the dress is different so pick the shorts that go to their knees, the sweats with no writing on the ass, and the shirt that loosely covers their whole torso. I hate feeling like a skeezy person because I glance at an elementary student and see club clothes that scream fuck me.
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