Sabbatical over

Thanks to technical difficulties (my laptop was an old, pathetic piece of crap) I haven't been blogging much. But now, on my new indigo blue laptop of the future, I hope to blog more in the coming days!

So, it turns out that I am, in fact, pregnant and pretending that I am not while living life normally just isn't going to work any longer. I officially have to start acting like a pregnant lady. Not only have I reached the dreaded third trimester stage, but I have gained a few complications.

The third trimester has mainly brought a ridiculous amount of bathroom visits. This isn't all together horrible. The worst part is the places I find myself peeing. Due to a variety of bathroom issues I have gone in my share of horrible places. However, you just assume that when you have diarrhea in a third world country you are going to find relief in some pretty awful places. However, when you need to pee in Penn Square Mall, you just don't expect to find yourself in a smelly, dirty mess. This is just the beginning of my pee-fest aught 10. I can't even begin to imagine the kinds of places I will have to pee in the months to come. And frankly, I just can't squat and maneuver the way I could before gaining a giant growth in my front bits.

Now on to the complications. It turns out that I am a contracting fool. I have been up to 3 mins apart, each lasting a minute. That's right, it's basically labor. This is a bad thing since I am only 29 weeks pregnant. I really need to last 9 more weeks to have a healthy little boy. We have had to go to the hospital twice now for contracting. Always late at night. The best part of our visits was the fact that Malcolm hates the heart monitor. At first he runs from it and gets angry. Then, since he figured out he couldn't get away from it he decided to start attacking it. He was kicking and punching the crap out of it which was amusing, but also painful. There is a microphone attached to the monitor and it sounded like someone was just beating the crap out of a microphone, which was turned up very loud. The nurse had to come in and turn it down for us. She also needed to get a full 25 min. reading of his heartbeat, which never happened, and around 2:30 she took pity on us and let us leave.

Now I am on the worst medication in the world to get them to stop, which isn't really working. The side effects are awful. I constantly feel like I am having a horrible panic attack along with headaches and an array of other awesomeness. If I have to stay on this for 2 1/2 months I may lose it. Also, it isn't really working so I am afraid of what the next step is. If it is bed rest, I may lose my mind. Ugh.

Well, that's my pregnancy tale. I am in fact pregnant. It basically sucks. I must now live a different life that is less fun.