I have never wanted a boy. If I was to be plagued with a child it had to be a girl, period. I wanted a girl because everyone throughout history wanted boys and some went so far as to kill girls until they got a boy. I wanted a girl to create a little awesome tomboy who would be a feminist bad ass. Who would conquer something amazing and it would be more so because she was a girl. I wanted a kind of Gilmore Girls equation in our relationship. And I feared changing a boy's diaper because I have heard so many stories about the spray factor.
Frankly, I was stupid.
I love my little man. I don't know what I was thinking when I wanted a girl. I am bad with little girls. Most little girls I know hate me actually. It is mostly because they all get huge crushes on Mr. Neruda and then see me as competition. This has happened in three distinct cases.
I have always struggled with girl friendships. I get along naturally with guys in a friendship capacity. Mostly because they rarely see me as girlfriend material so there isn't that awkwardness. But also because I love being active and goofy and trying weird things. I also love movies like Die Hard and Predator and can eat huge amounts of junk food. I think it is these qualities that makes me ideally suited to be a little boy's mom.
I think I will be a cool mom for a boy. I am happy to go backpacking and trapezing. I won't set at home getting a manicure while he goes camping with his dad. I will be pushing for him to get a black belt to match my own. I will take him horseback riding and tell him about how I worked and lived in a pub for months in England (and how he can also do it when he is older). I don't get squeamish over insects and dead animals. I actually had quite the horny toad collection when I was a kid (though I don't fancy spiders). I think mice are adorable and mud doesn't bother me at all. I have fond memories of the leeches my friend couldn't pull off me when I was a girl and I had to bear down and do it myself. I will try just about anything and I don't scare easily. I am horribly sarcastic and I love stupid guy humor a la Wedding Crashers and The Hangover (and Dumb and Dumber if I am honest).
I no longer want a Gilmore Girls-esque relationship. I want to be the mother to a child. I don't want to have a best bud relationship with my child. I think that is where a lot of trouble stems from in teens. I saw so many parents who tried to be buddies with their kids while I taught and it frankly backfired every time creating hellions. It seemed to work in GG because the mother was so immature that the daughter overcompensates with her maturity to keep their world working. I don't think Lorelei is a bad mother necessarily, I just think she didn't get a full childhood and enjoys recreating it with her daughter instead of letting her daughter live out her own.
But a major reason I am happy to be the mother to a boy is that this world needs more feminist men. Real feminist men. I know many men who claim to not care what women do and that they are all for equality. Then I hear about their home life. They do nothing around the house and don't care much for their kids. They are also not always a pleasure to work with. There are too many people who are all talk and not enough action. I was lucky enough to be raised by a man who was all talk, that he wasn't a feminist, yet his actions were nothing but feminist. It showed me an example of what a man should be at home while making me passionate about what a man should sound like. I believe that is what helped lead me to Mr. Neruda. He is all action and talk. He is amazing and I can't wait for my little man to see how a house focused on equality is run. I think he will grow up to be an amazing man and an even better partner.
Each day that goes by makes me so happy that I had no idea what I was talking about and hoping for. I am made to mother a little boy and I have already had so much fun doing it. I can't wait for him to be more interactive because I know it will solidify my contentment even more. I have a friend who thinks men are sub par compared to women and that a daughter is the only way to go. I emphatically disagree with her and hope that one day my little Huxley will change her mind. He has absolutely changed mine.
Plus, we only had a couple of spraying incidences at first and nothing since. The only trouble happens in the bath and I think it is hilarious to watch his very serious face as he arcs a nice yellow stream across the tub. Ah, the joy parents find in their kids. And I say that with no irony or sarcasm oddly enough.